I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I will die if light touches me.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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