I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
