New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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