Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
