Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How does one acquire holy water?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
