I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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