Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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