John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
