dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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