I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
