is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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