You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
