I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Randomize
