Sorry, I don't speak sober.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
