Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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