My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
