not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
