it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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