I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
