yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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