dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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