it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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