I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
