no you cant smoke seaweed
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
