Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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