Someone shit on the floor
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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