why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
