I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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