Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
