So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
