yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
