help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I believe in your delicious
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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