in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Pants are for mortals
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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