Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
