I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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