I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
