Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
