Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
