Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
