What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
