I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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