In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
