the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
