I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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