Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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