Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
