Ambien. No doubt about it.
there's paper in my vomit.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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