Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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