he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
