This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
