He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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