I want to have your abortion
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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