filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
