I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
