similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
