she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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